Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
