at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
