my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
