omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
