So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
