oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
