the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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