okay pat passed out under dana's car
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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