Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
