They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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