the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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