9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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