Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
