I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
