the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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