I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I did not marry a roomba.
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