The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
