I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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