I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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