Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
