he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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