does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Your tits are I can't wait for
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
