last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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