How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
