Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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