____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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