just tell him i said nine months
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
