Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
