Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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