Screwed.edu
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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