I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
