I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
