Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
