what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
