Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
