we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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