Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
