If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
