Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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