Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
