Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
