I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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