I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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