remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
