Don't make out with my wife yet
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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