It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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