I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
