4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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