Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
