the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Randomize
