I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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