then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
