"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
