Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
