No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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