So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you still have your period?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
