just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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