____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
