I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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