He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
