If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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