I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
