dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
