Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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