i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
