I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
