we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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