Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
