She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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