The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
