doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
