so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
