roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
