I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
