I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
