i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
