Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
