i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
