never play flip cup with pint glasses
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
