I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
