I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
