I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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