awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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