You can't special order awesome
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize