And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
