You smell like stripper and shame
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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