Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
