I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
